Imagine a relationship is like a car. You can’t drive without the wheels, right? So, in any relationship, you need four working wheels. We will call these the non-negotiables. 

I have this concept when it comes to relationships. There’s the core, or what I like to call the four wheels. And, then, there’s the engine that keeps the relationship, well, running. The wheels are the most important parts of every relationship. Without them, there isn’t a working relationship or a healthy one (because you can’t go anywhere). And the fuel, every relationship takes a different type. Let’s explore the idea of what the most important relationship factors are. 

What’s The Core Of Every Relationship

Although the particulars are different for every relationship, It is what’s at the core that will always be the same. I call it the “wheels,” which will be another article’s topic. But, just to give you an idea, the core of every successful relationship MUST have these four “wheels” to keep it running. 

These four factors are non-negotiables for a functional, successful relationship:

• Communication
• Trust
• Intimacy
• Respect

When one of the above factors breaks down, it trickles over to the other three pieces of the core, or the wheels. Without all of the four wheels working together, your relationship will stay broken down at the side of the road until you can get it fixed. …If the four non-negotiables are not already in place at the beginning of the relationship, then there is no fixing it. The relationship won’t make it anywhere because those wheels aren’t in place. 

What Fuels The Relationship Engine

The fuel is what will be different for everyone. It’s your list of what you look for in an ideal partner. The following list is the tip of the iceberg and gives a sampling of factors to consider as your relationship engine fuel:

• A sense of humor
• Things you have in common
• A moral compass, ethics, and values
• Similar energy—if you’re a positive, upbeat person, chances are, you’re not looking for someone with dark energy. 
• Similar ambitions 

The Most Important Relationship Factor

Communication, intimacy, trust, respect. Without one, the rest won’t work. It’s like a domino effect. You can’t have intimacy without communication if trust isn’t there, no intimacy or communication…or even respect. The four work together in tandem. 

We’re all raised differently, which means we all communicate differently. If you grew up in a house with yelling and swearing, that’s how you communicate. But that doesn’t work with someone who didn’t grow up that way and doesn’t understand that form of communication. 

Listen, relationships are tough. Even the happiest, most functional ones go through tumultuous phases. It’s pretty normal. There’s no such thing as ‘smooth sailing’ because you’re bound to run into an unexpected wave or storm. 

Being able to communicate means effectively you’re choosing your relationship every single day. You show up for it; you’re both present and ready to do the work. If you don’t, you’ll have a constant battle on your hands, and that deck is stacking pretty high against the two of you. 

If your communication styles are different, then guess what? You need to communicate that to each other. So, when you need your partner, they’ll know how to be there for you. Even if it means you have to say those dreaded words, “This isn’t working anymore.” 

Commonalities

Let’s delve into this one a bit more. You want someone who aligns with who you are. Sure, opposites attract, but you still must have some things in common. Whether you’re a talker and your partner is a listener. Or, you both are driven and hard-working. Maybe antiquing and movies are your jam. Whatever these commonalities are, they’re a driving force in the vehicle that is your relationship. 

In a long-term relationship, small things become ginormous. It’s true. It used to bug you how your partner squeezed the tube of toothpaste, but now it’s bordering on becoming a deal breaker. Having a common ground, along with open and honest communication, can make the wheels of your relationship straighten and get back on track. 

Bringing In An Expert

In so many ways, relationships are like cars. And, just like a car, relationships may need a tune-up. Life Matters Coaching can help. Give us a call for your consultation; let’s fill those tires with air and get you back on the road of your life.