You’re in a committed relationship. What does that look like? Is it healthy? Are you both on the same page? Commitment doesn’t mean the same to everyone, despite our assumptions. Read on to learn if your committed relationship is healthy, and what you can do if it’s not.
What Is Commitment?
The plural noun, Oxford dictionary definition of commitment is, “a pledge or undertaking”. In the most vanilla of terms, a commitment is between two people who want to be in a monogamous relationship.
The two of you have made a pledge to be together, whether it’s been announced or assumed. Whatever that looks like is unique to your relationship. But, it’s a mutual agreement of intent based on behavior.
What A Newer Relationship Can Feel Like
In a newer relationship, things might feel a bit unsettled, especially at first. You might feel insecure. Does the person like you as much as you like him/her? Are you both on the same page? And yet, despite those nagging questions, you still get the butterflies taking flight in the pit of your stomach.
- Spending every waking moment together
- Appreciating the big and little things
- Compromising and sacrificing
- Growing in your communication
- Building a future road map together…
Then, whether spoken or unspoken, the two of you have committed.
What Commitment Looks Like
Both of you are 100% all in. You feel safe and secure and enveloped in those warm fuzzies that only a loving, committed relationship can offer.
What does commitment look like beyond what you’re feeling, though?
The Three C’s of Commitment
Consistency: You can rely on this person. “I do what I say and say what I do”. Not the other way around. If your partner doesn’t show up, doesn’t call, and has a “Do as I say, not what I do” attitude, then that’s a sign you’re not in a healthy, committed relationship. What applies to one partner must apply to the other.
Conscious daily recommitting: You wake up every morning and recommit to your partner. It’s a want; not a have to. It might not be something you’re even aware you’re saying to yourself, but it’s a decision you make to be a good partner. It’s something you both desire. Daily commitment takes work, but it makes your relationship strong and long-lasting.
Compromise: Not everything is worth fighting about. You pick your battles and take the high road when your partner is thoroughly pissing you off. Relationships aren’t always 50/50. Yes, even healthy ones have a give and take, which balances out in the long run. It’s not just one person’s needs being met all the time. But, there will be some days when your needs are not a priority because your partner’s needs are more pressing now.
Signs Something Is Off
How do you know when the relationship is no longer committed and happy? Aside from how you feel in your heart, you’re doing all the work. You are the one doing all of the compromising and taking the high road. Those are glaring red flags that something is way off in your relationship.
The answer isn’t always about breaking up. Sometimes, it just means you need to work harder. Your communication is breaking down, and it needs to be realigned so you both can get back on track.
When A Relationship Coach Comes In
You love each other. You want the same things. You are equally committed. But things between you have been a little tough lately, and you can’t figure out how to change that.
Being in love, and having a strong desire for your partner, isn’t always enough to keep your committed relationship successful. The type of love that gets you together in the first place…you remember, lust and sexual intimacy…well, that does fade. What’s left should be a strong connection, mutual respect, and that inherent desire to remain with your partner.
If that’s where you are or know you both can be, and you need some guidance getting back on track, that’s when you bring in a relationship coach.
Life Matters Coaching has helped hundreds of committed couples like you. Call us today for a free consultation. Let’s get your healthy, committed relationship back on track.