the no contact rule

Yes, the no contact rule is painstaking, ultimately it makes you think of that person much more, or at least it feels like that. Every minute feels like an hour, and at times you may even hear your heart beating while the time slowly passes.


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The rule can also feel confusing at times, you may say ‘what is the big deal?’ or you may even feel that enough time has passed. Here is the one and the only thing you need to know and something that you can repeat to yourself.

When you contact this person, you are telling them that how they treated you and what they did was okay with you.


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There is no shade of gray here. It does not matter what excuse you tell yourself, even if it is I am going to contact them to let them know how they treated me was not okay. Once you reach out you are setting a precedent for their behavior. This is also why taking that person back is off the table. You will be leaving your self vulnerable to the same treatment. Yes, even if they swear to you it will never happen again and that they are sorry. If you are at a point in your relationship to reach no contact then you already know whatever they say cannot be trusted.

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At the end of the day no matter what happened in the relationship, how long it had lasted, the promises made, the story you tell yourself of why what occurred happened. None of that matters. You know that you deserve better. You know you want better. You know there is better out there. Someone that will not require a no contact rule ever.

In knowing all of that, do you really want to tell someone who treated you without respect that you are okay with it?