It is true there are things that are more important than beauty.

We are all conditioned to think that everything is about looks.

If we look beyond that though, we know deep down that it is really not the truth, like at all. Somebody being attracted to you has more do with your face, body type, facial hair, cheekbones, etc. It runs deeper than that.

Here is a list that I saw on James Michael Sama‘s blog, along with my comments.

BEING INTELLECTUALLY CHALLENGING

It is impossible to build a real connection or lasting relationship with someone based on physical attraction alone.

Being intellectually challenged and having the ability to hold a real discussion about meaningful topics will always trump shallow beauty in the long run.

CLASS

Class is all about the dignity you carry yourself with and the level of respect you to those around you and yourself.

It has nothing to do with money, where you live, the car you drive or what you do for a living. If you have an ugly attitude and embarrass others in public, none of the other stuff matters.

HONESTY

How long will you stay in a committed relationship with a beautiful or handsome liar?

If you cannot trust your partner or believe what they say, how can you construct a solid, lasting foundation with them? You cannot. No matter how good looking they are.

CONFIDENCE

Confidence is an extremely attractive quality. It also plays many key roles in a relationship.

A confident person will not snoop around invading your privacy or be insecure in your commitment to them.

Lack of confidence greatly affects one’s ability to accept a compliment or feel good about themselves, and therefore will have a hard time accepting that you see them in a positive light. This will bring unneeded tension to the relationship. Arrogance and cockiness are as much of a turnoff as self-deprecation, confidence is the middle ground.

PASSION

Passion is important.

Without physical intimate passion between two people, a wedge can begin to drive the two of you apart.

Someone who is passionate about life will keep a relationship burning. They will keep you excited about waking up every morning. Someone who lacks passion or a zest for life will seem generally apathetic and act as an anchor to your happiness.

If you enjoy experiencing new things and avoiding stagnation, a passionate person will be your perfect mate.

KINDNESS

A person’s kindness is an integral part of growing and developing together, much like class.

If you cannot introduce them to new people, bring them comfortably around friends or family, or go to dinner without them getting irritated with the wait staff, odds are your relationship will be short-lived.

CONSISTENCY

Being consistent is a valuable virtue because it lets your partner know that you really are who you are.

If you turn into a totally different person a couple months into the relationship, it is not a good sign that the relationship will grow.

Think of consistency as the opposite of volatility. If someone is unpredictable and volatile, it is difficult to know how they will be acting towards you on a certain day, and that gets old no matter how aesthetically pleasing they are.

EMPATHY

Being a compassionate, supportive and encouraging person is a huge part of building a solid relationship.

NOBODY wants a person who is all about themselves. Relationships are about two people.

Plus, who would want to be with someone who did not support them? No matter what they look like.

EFFORT

Relationships are a two-way street.

Not to generalize or offend anyone with my next statement, however*—sometimes beautiful people gain a sense of entitlement along their journey in life. They are often treated differently, especially when it comes to dating.

They know they are pursued and desired and therefore expect to coast through relationships without having to put in any real work.

It does not matter how beautiful or handsome you are, relationships are about a give/give, and only work if both people contribute equally.

*statistics show it is more common than not.

YOU

YES! YOU are most important than beauty!

Who you become when you are with someone is an often overlooked aspect of a relationship.

Does their presence in your life encourage you to be and do better? Do you like the person you are when you are with them? If not, the importance of beauty will quickly fade when you realize you no longer like yourself.

So, what do I mean by Beauty is Number 11?

It does not even rate the list.

Here is the bottom line.

Physical attraction plays a major role in relationships.

But the truth is, the majority of your time together will be spent outside of the bedroom. It will be spent with family, friends, watching TV, riding in the car, eating, going to the movies, etc.

Focus on the above list. Know that love builds intimacy and intimacy builds love.