HOW TO DETERMINE WHY SOMEONE IS TREATING YOU POORLY!



NOTE HOW THEY ACT AROUND YOU.

Are you being ignored, gossiping about you, being mean, putting you down, breaking promises to you, implying that you are somehow lacking?


CONSIDER HOW YOU ARE FEELING.

Do you feel picked on? Do you feel like you are being provoked? Do you feel undermined, feel negative around them, hurt, demeaned?

    

WORK THROUGH SOME POSSIBILITIES BEFORE REACHING YOUR CONCLUSION. 

Our own feelings only tell part of the story and sometimes we can get them very wrong because we have not understood things from the other persons perspective. You may be convinced that the actions or words of the person are mean-spirited in intent and outcome. It is important however to look at some possible motivations or causes for their behavior. This could give you a better idea of what their motive is. Sometimes people are unintentionally hurtful or have been thoughtless without purposefully being mean. Whatever the act or comment, there is ALWAYS an underlying cause which is good to understand before you take action against the person.  Ask yourself the following (be honest).  


FACTUAL EVIDENCE 


Could it be my imagination? If you are in a bad space it can seem that people are angry, mean, insensitive and selfish.


Could they be jealous? Are they building themselves up while bringing you down? They could be insecure.


By accident did you insult them? Passive aggressive anger instead of confrontation.


Could they have troubles of their own? They may not know or feel comfortable reaching out so they take their frustrations out on others.


Could they just dislike me? (the reasons do not necessarily matter)



ASK YOURSELF. Why do I need validation from them? Do you need them? Is it okay if someone does not like me? Am I ust being needy and insecure?


ASK OTHERS. Get the opinions of others, someone who is removed from the relationship.


CONFRONT THE PERSON. When confronting someone regarding their behavior, it is important to

                Use the following tools:

                Use “I” statements (“I feel”, “I think”)

                Avoid putting the person on the defensive

                Allow for a constructive conversation

                Stay calm, if anger is present, walk away

                 It is okay if the person does not have an answer. Leave the ball in their court

                 Do not be mean

           

Before entering into any conversation of this nature, be prepared for any outcome. Do not go in with any unknown expectation. Be clear with them and yourself.

 

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